Friday, 29 August 2014

New life.

I have more respect for bloggers than I had before. All those potential posts that drifted through my mind in the period leading up to starting the blog have  vanished from my memory and the blank screen is harder to face than you might imagine.

Two couples who are friends have become grandparents for the first time this month. The news has given them a new lease of life at the thought of interacting with their new grandchildren. Photographs are proudly shown of the new wrinkled bundles of joy and each gets a turn holding the new treasure. It all goes to remind me of the old life and role play where as a "guy" it would be assumed that you want nothing to do with new life. In some ways that was true enough, I decided even before I started school that having children was not going to be part of my life, I did not wish to bring another into the world to suffer like me! That said it does not mean that the nurturing part of my nature, that I was keeping hidden as part of my life saving role play, did not long to be within the warm circle of caring for friend's and families' young children. In reality a form of deprivation and alienation from real life.

I shall never know if I would have made a good parent. I shall never know if I would have been able to have a career which could have supported a family. I chose not to pretend to be a guy who could be a father and started my requests for sterilisation to ensure that never happened in my late teens. It took several attempts before they stopped telling me that I would change my mind. I hardly need have bothered, I was clearly not seen as mating material anyway!

I have watched others go through the joys and sorrows of rearing children and few have stayed to live within easy reach of their parents and lead more independent lives than previous generations and have to say that helped soften the thoughts of what might have been if this cruel trick of nature had not been sprung upon me... I know so many of us see no other way out than to try and play out the role as a parent even if it is not the gender role of parent that we would have preferred, unfortunately it often becomes a self made cage which is hard to break out of...

The one compensation for me is that now there is no hesitation to include me when the youngsters arrive.

Sunday, 10 August 2014

Why Ruby?

More respect for blog writers, a blank screen is quite a challenge and all the ideas that you once had fly out of your head.

One has stuck and it is a good place to start.

If you have ever lived with a name you dislike you may have some idea how hard it is for someone transsexual to live their lives with not only a name they dislike but one which gives completely the wrong message about who they really are.

 have to put my hand up and admit that I have not passed on any of my DNA, not to pass it on was my principle mission in life incase there was a genetic component to being transsexual. Being unattractive to women and very low paid helped...

People are always surprised at how well I get on with children and am prepared to give them all the attention they want, then again I can hand them back when they decide that they have had enough psychological probing. Strange that when I had a beard it was assumed that I would have no interest in looking after children and would be ignored.

The hardest part about having a child I thought would be the naming. Not so long ago many used long held traditional methods of naming children after grand parent or used family names, now any name or spelling goes. How do you choose a name which will suit both the young child and also not become an embarrassment in later life? I have long thought that parents should give temporary names which at a certain age the child could choose to keep or change to something more suited to their evolving personality.

We are uniquely lucky in getting to choose our own names and few can be offended that we do so. Some family bemires can be the last to come onside after knowing the old you for so long but the joy of hearing that new name from the lips of a loved one is hard to describe.

Obviously Ruby was not my original name but I think it suits me well.

Rubies are precious, simply created out of ordinary materials, aluminium and oxygen, but co closely packed as to be nearly as hard as diamond. All naturally occurring  rubies have imperfections but uniquely that is what gives them their real beauty. Not all rubies are naturally occurring some only appear by human intervention and they sparkle more!

A warm red gem created with human intervention, cut and polished to bring out my beauty, that's me.

Wednesday, 6 August 2014

A dry start but from small beginnings...

"Ruby transitioned later in life than she would have liked. She faced all the fears others online faced and made it through."

Being transsexual is not something which ever goes away, it runs right through you like the letters running through a stick of holiday rock.

(This blog is being written in British English so may contain a few phrases strange to overseas readers, call it local colour. We do not always understand American English either!)

After years following the lives of others I still feel that I have to keep up with those who are still blogging and perhaps have not been as lucky as I turned out to be. The blog title says it all, the grass is greener on this other side, far greener than I ever hoped it would be.

Perhaps my observations from this perspective will be of use or comfit to those still on their journey of transformation, I know how important all those countless posts I read were encouraging to me.

I hope that me joining the bloggers is better late than never!